By “I don’t measure up.” “I’m different than others and don’t fit in.” “I’m socially inept / I’m bad at meeting people and making small talk.” “I come across as nervous and awkward, which others see as weird and weak.” “People find me uninteresting / unattractive.” “In order to be accepted and liked, I must always… Continue reading
By Many professionals, managers and executives with social anxiety hesitate to use the term “social anxiety” because they are high achievers and they feel shame associated with lacking confidence at work. Many times, they come in using the words “stress and anxiety” generically. However, when I probe on why they are anxious, it often comes back… Continue reading
By You finally got up the nerve to attend that party and now you’re in a slightly awkward conversation about travel. You work hard to stay focused on what’s going on around you instead of the little voice in your head that says you sound ridiculous. Before leaving, you decide to say thank you to the… Continue reading
By Have you ever felt bogged down by worries, physical symptoms, fears, and avoidances? Do these things prevent you from living the life that you want to live? Do you end up feeling overwhelmed or defeated? Does it all feel as if it’s too much to bear? Are these things draining your motivation to work on… Continue reading
By Acknowledging Uncertainty In the 1600’s, the famous French philosopher René Descartes set out on a journey in an effort to discover truth. The question he asked was: what can one know—with certainty—is real? At the end of this philosophical journey, he came to the conclusion that there was almost nothing in life of which he… Continue reading
By Facial blushing: is it normal? Rosie checked into a hotel for a weekend getaway with her partner. The hotel receptionist noticed it was Rosie’s birthday and said, “Welcome to our hotel. I see it’s your birthday tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The nearby receptionist added his birthday wishes as did the people behind her. Rosie sheepishly thanked… Continue reading
By My colleagues and I have noticed a dramatic increase in anxiety and anxiety-related disorders over the past two pandemic years. While apprehension is a typical response during times of strife, as we return to more normal lives many people have been caught off-guard to realize how uncomfortable they now are in social situations – especially… Continue reading
By Labels For many who aspire to change their current social life dynamics but struggle to do so, having a name for the struggle can be helpful, even relieving. A constellation of symptoms outlining what someone grapples with can facilitate a sense of being understood. It can also create a metric to reference while engaged in… Continue reading
By Control often has benefits. It can create a sense of structure, predictability, mastery, and safety. As we know, none of us are in control of everything. We have all experienced unwanted internal and external experiences. If we knew how to control everything, we would probably start there. Although we may not have a choice about… Continue reading
By What do these people have in common: A savvy salesman who can’t sever the relationship with his business partner who takes advantage of him; a competent woman business owner who manages 20 employees but can’t say “no” to requests from her adult daughter; and a smart accounting executive who tolerates years of emotional abuse by… Continue reading
By Picture this. You enjoyed dinner with a friend who you haven’t seen in ages. You two shared a meal and a laugh after months of not being able to coordinate schedules. Despite having a nice time catching up, negative thoughts begin to creep in on your drive home. Before you know it, you start to… Continue reading
By One of the most insidious and painful aspects of social anxiety many of my clients describe is the feeling of being alone, disconnected, and different from others. These feelings, and the perceptions and beliefs associated with them, can both contribute to and be the result of high levels of distress and suffering in social situations…. Continue reading
By We’ve all been there. Lying awake as the minutes (and hours!) go by, worrying about an upcoming event or ruminating on a past experience. Why did I say that stupid thing at the meeting? I wonder if she’s mad at me? What if I panic during my presentation tomorrow? Or perhaps we are spending time… Continue reading
By If you have social anxiety, avoidant coping modes may help you avoid activation of your schemas and your inner critic. Schemas are broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and others, developed during childhood and reinforced throughout one’s lifetime. They tend to be unhelpful to a significant degree. In social anxiety, schemas may consist of core beliefs… Continue reading
By As an adolescent psychologist, I hear many parents talk about how their teenagers struggle to meet new people, and to initiate and maintain friendships. These same parents often worry about their teens isolating in their rooms, where socializing only comes from virtual means. At times, parents report that their teen is afraid of speaking with… Continue reading