By “I don’t measure up.”
“I’m different than others and don’t fit in.”
“I’m socially inept / I’m bad at meeting people and making small talk.”
“I come across as nervous and awkward, which others see as weird and weak.”
“People find me uninteresting / unattractive.”
“In order to be accepted and liked, I must always… Continue reading
By If you have social anxiety, avoidant coping modes may help you avoid activation of your schemas and your inner critic. Schemas are broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and others, developed during childhood and reinforced throughout one’s lifetime. They tend to be unhelpful to a significant degree. In social anxiety, schemas may consist of… Continue reading
By While the idea of introducing yourself to someone new is a very common challenge for those who struggle with social anxiety, for many the greater and often overlooked pain comes from difficulty deepening relationships to a more meaningful level. Many clients I have had the honor of working with have reported making some progress with initiating contact… Continue reading
By Comparing and judging ourselves negatively
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?
They’re better conversationalists than I am.
I’m not as interesting and knowledgeable as they are.
They’re better looking. I’m not in their league.
They’re much more successful and impressive than I am.
They come across as so confident, and I come across… Continue reading
By Social anxiety doesn’t occur out of blue like panic attacks often do. There was an event, a stressful situation in your past – – sometimes obvious, sometimes not – – that started the ball rolling on your path to becoming a socially anxious person. That social trauma led you to develop a negative image of yourself in similar… Continue reading
By “I recall standing in front of my class and seeing all the faces of my classmates as they listened to me talk. The words flowed easily until the dreaded stumble and stutter. I suddenly felt everything shift and change. My voice became less strong, the words did not flow as easily and I could see the faces change. They became characterized by judgment,… Continue reading
By When we experience high levels of anxiety in social situations, or have urges to avoid or escape, it is typically because we are worrying that other people will criticize or judge us. A feeling of intimidation and vulnerability may persist due to thoughts such as “What if they notice that I’m nervous ?, What if they think I’m weird?, What if they ask… Continue reading
By Romance, a minefield of social anxiety triggers
Many aspects of pursuing romantic relationships are major social anxiety triggers for many people. How do you relate to these scenarios?
Initiating conversation with someone you find attractive.
Sending a first message online to someone you find attractive.
Conversing in person with someone you find… Continue reading
By Learning to hide
One of the most common social anxiety concerns is the fear that one will appear anxious to others: being anxious about your social anxiety itself! Of course, it’s not just that some sign of one’s anxiety will be visible, but that it will be followed by some form of negative evaluation or judgment that can greatly exacerbate the… Continue reading
By For those with social anxiety, being forced into a full scale shut down because of the Covid-19 pandemic and having to work one hundred percent remotely might seem like a blessing. You no longer have to endure getting onto crowded elevators or try to avoid coworkers while making a quick run to the break room for more coffee. In-person meetings have… Continue reading
By A Brief Commentary on the COVID-19 Pandemic
Around the world we are all witnessing an event that most people have never experienced before. The COVID-19 pandemic has tested humanity’s resolve and resiliency by having to change and alter how we live our lives each day. Whether it is a stay-at-home order, wearing a mask, or school being cancelled, this… Continue reading
By The Many Forms of Procrastination
A lot can show up when someone settles down to start a task. Procrastination, the act of delaying the completion of a task, is a common response when one is faced with a challenging or multi-step task.
The thought “I can’t do this” can actually have several meanings. It can be helpful to examine the function of this… Continue reading
By Research, and common sense, tell us that hope is an important factor in recovering from an anxiety disorder – – including social anxiety. So, what makes the difference between an individual who has hope and one who doesn’t? One critical factor is “mindset”: how you view yourself and your situation in relation to others.
By mindset I don’t… Continue reading
By One of the most quickly growing areas of clinical research and treatment implementation is for people who are considered to be overcontrolled. What does being overcontrolled mean, and what does it have to do with feeling socially anxious? The concept of self-control refers to the ability to inhibit problematic behaviors. This is generally accepted… Continue reading
By Your child struggles with friendships. Parents sometimes wonder if it is just a phase, or if their child is developing social anxiety. Understanding “normal” friend behavior can be challenging in the “tween” years between eight and twelve, as a child approaches adolescence.
Why Social Anxiety is a Serious Problem
Social anxiety often begins… Continue reading