By What do these people have in common: A savvy salesman who can’t sever the relationship with his business partner who takes advantage of him; a competent woman business owner who manages 20 employees but can’t say “no” to requests from her adult daughter; and a smart accounting executive who tolerates years of emotional abuse by his “friend?”
These… Continue reading
By One of the most insidious and painful aspects of social anxiety many of my clients describe is the feeling of being alone, disconnected, and different from others. These feelings, and the perceptions and beliefs associated with them, can both contribute to and be the result of high levels of distress and suffering in social situations. Over the years,… Continue reading
By We’ve all been there. Lying awake as the minutes (and hours!) go by, worrying about an upcoming event or ruminating on a past experience. Why did I say that stupid thing at the meeting? I wonder if she’s mad at me? What if I panic during my presentation tomorrow? Or perhaps we are spending time in bed rehearsing or scripting what we will say in an… Continue reading
By If you have social anxiety, avoidant coping modes may help you avoid activation of your schemas and your inner critic. Schemas are broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and others, developed during childhood and reinforced throughout one’s lifetime. They tend to be unhelpful to a significant degree. In social anxiety, schemas may consist of… Continue reading
By As an adolescent psychologist, I hear many parents talk about how their teenagers struggle to meet new people, and to initiate and maintain friendships. These same parents often worry about their teens isolating in their rooms, where socializing only comes from virtual means. At times, parents report that their teen is afraid of speaking with authority… Continue reading
By It’s hard to believe it but it’s that time again: schools are welcoming back students all across the country. The summer weeks have passed and parents everywhere are stocking up on school supplies while their children pick out their favorite lunch boxes.
For many kids, the start of school is exciting. They get to see the friends they’ve missed all… Continue reading
By While the idea of introducing yourself to someone new is a very common challenge for those who struggle with social anxiety, for many the greater and often overlooked pain comes from difficulty deepening relationships to a more meaningful level. Many clients I have had the honor of working with have reported making some progress with initiating contact… Continue reading
By Comparing and judging ourselves negatively
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?
They’re better conversationalists than I am.
I’m not as interesting and knowledgeable as they are.
They’re better looking. I’m not in their league.
They’re much more successful and impressive than I am.
They come across as so confident, and I come across… Continue reading
By Social anxiety doesn’t occur out of blue like panic attacks often do. There was an event, a stressful situation in your past – – sometimes obvious, sometimes not – – that started the ball rolling on your path to becoming a socially anxious person. That social trauma led you to develop a negative image of yourself in similar… Continue reading
By “I recall standing in front of my class and seeing all the faces of my classmates as they listened to me talk. The words flowed easily until the dreaded stumble and stutter. I suddenly felt everything shift and change. My voice became less strong, the words did not flow as easily and I could see the faces change. They became characterized by judgment,… Continue reading
By Romance, a minefield of social anxiety triggers
Many aspects of pursuing romantic relationships are major social anxiety triggers for many people. How do you relate to these scenarios?
Initiating conversation with someone you find attractive.
Sending a first message online to someone you find attractive.
Conversing in person with someone you find… Continue reading
By Learning to hide
One of the most common social anxiety concerns is the fear that one will appear anxious to others: being anxious about your social anxiety itself! Of course, it’s not just that some sign of one’s anxiety will be visible, but that it will be followed by some form of negative evaluation or judgment that can greatly exacerbate the… Continue reading
By For those with social anxiety, being forced into a full scale shut down because of the Covid-19 pandemic and having to work one hundred percent remotely might seem like a blessing. You no longer have to endure getting onto crowded elevators or try to avoid coworkers while making a quick run to the break room for more coffee. In-person meetings have… Continue reading
By A New Future
Even referencing the future as ‘post-COVID’ feels a bit misplaced. It insinuates that in the future we will be ‘over’ or ‘past’ the COVID pandemic. By now most of us can acknowledge that COVID will leave an everlasting impression on society as we know it. We are accepting (with some parallels to pre and post 9/11) that there is no going… Continue reading
By Assertiveness is something that many people, with and without social anxiety, struggle with. Many people fear that being assertive means they will come across as pushy, selfish, or argumentative. Particularly for individuals with social anxiety, negative, harsh judgements such as being seen as mean or pushy, are something to be feared and avoided as… Continue reading