By Labels
For many who aspire to change their current social life dynamics but struggle to do so, having a name for the struggle can be helpful, even relieving. A constellation of symptoms outlining what someone grapples with can facilitate a sense of being understood. It can also create a metric to reference while engaged in their personal growth…. Continue reading
By Control often has benefits. It can create a sense of structure, predictability, mastery, and safety.
As we know, none of us are in control of everything. We have all experienced unwanted internal and external experiences. If we knew how to control everything, we would probably start there. Although we may not have a choice about all of the events that… Continue reading
By What do these people have in common: A savvy salesman who can’t sever the relationship with his business partner who takes advantage of him; a competent woman business owner who manages 20 employees but can’t say “no” to requests from her adult daughter; and a smart accounting executive who tolerates years of emotional abuse by his “friend?”
These… Continue reading
By Picture this. You enjoyed dinner with a friend who you haven’t seen in ages. You two shared a meal and a laugh after months of not being able to coordinate schedules. Despite having a nice time catching up, negative thoughts begin to creep in on your drive home. Before you know it, you start to doubt your performance at dinner and question whether your… Continue reading
By One of the most insidious and painful aspects of social anxiety many of my clients describe is the feeling of being alone, disconnected, and different from others. These feelings, and the perceptions and beliefs associated with them, can both contribute to and be the result of high levels of distress and suffering in social situations. Over the years,… Continue reading
By We’ve all been there. Lying awake as the minutes (and hours!) go by, worrying about an upcoming event or ruminating on a past experience. Why did I say that stupid thing at the meeting? I wonder if she’s mad at me? What if I panic during my presentation tomorrow? Or perhaps we are spending time in bed rehearsing or scripting what we will say in an… Continue reading
By If you have social anxiety, avoidant coping modes may help you avoid activation of your schemas and your inner critic. Schemas are broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and others, developed during childhood and reinforced throughout one’s lifetime. They tend to be unhelpful to a significant degree. In social anxiety, schemas may consist of… Continue reading
By As an adolescent psychologist, I hear many parents talk about how their teenagers struggle to meet new people, and to initiate and maintain friendships. These same parents often worry about their teens isolating in their rooms, where socializing only comes from virtual means. At times, parents report that their teen is afraid of speaking with authority… Continue reading
By It’s hard to believe it but it’s that time again: schools are welcoming back students all across the country. The summer weeks have passed and parents everywhere are stocking up on school supplies while their children pick out their favorite lunch boxes.
For many kids, the start of school is exciting. They get to see the friends they’ve missed all… Continue reading
By While the idea of introducing yourself to someone new is a very common challenge for those who struggle with social anxiety, for many the greater and often overlooked pain comes from difficulty deepening relationships to a more meaningful level. Many clients I have had the honor of working with have reported making some progress with initiating contact… Continue reading
By Comparing and judging ourselves negatively
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?
They’re better conversationalists than I am.
I’m not as interesting and knowledgeable as they are.
They’re better looking. I’m not in their league.
They’re much more successful and impressive than I am.
They come across as so confident, and I come across… Continue reading
By Maybe you have been suffering with anxiety for a while and you have finally decided to get help. Or maybe your family physician has suggested that you look for a therapist. Or perhaps your child’s school is recommending that you find a therapist for your child. Or maybe you are one of the many Americans who has been struggling to manage your anxiety… Continue reading
By Social anxiety doesn’t occur out of blue like panic attacks often do. There was an event, a stressful situation in your past – – sometimes obvious, sometimes not – – that started the ball rolling on your path to becoming a socially anxious person. That social trauma led you to develop a negative image of yourself in similar… Continue reading
By When we experience high levels of anxiety in social situations, or have urges to avoid or escape, it is typically because we are worrying that other people will criticize or judge us. A feeling of intimidation and vulnerability may persist due to thoughts such as “What if they notice that I’m nervous ?, What if they think I’m weird?, What if they ask… Continue reading
By Romance, a minefield of social anxiety triggers
Many aspects of pursuing romantic relationships are major social anxiety triggers for many people. How do you relate to these scenarios?
Initiating conversation with someone you find attractive.
Sending a first message online to someone you find attractive.
Conversing in person with someone you find… Continue reading