By As you turn the corner at the store and walk past the toy section, you try to distract your child so they don’t see the new Bluey doll you know they will want. However, as we all know, children can sense when anything they aren’t allowed to have is around. They see the doll and say “I want it.” It might start with a simple request like this, but when… Continue reading
By “I don’t measure up.”
“I’m different than others and don’t fit in.”
“I’m socially inept / I’m bad at meeting people and making small talk.”
“I come across as nervous and awkward, which others see as weird and weak.”
“People find me uninteresting / unattractive.”
“In order to be accepted and liked, I must always… Continue reading
By Facial blushing: is it normal?
Rosie checked into a hotel for a weekend getaway with her partner. The hotel receptionist noticed it was Rosie’s birthday and said, “Welcome to our hotel. I see it’s your birthday tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The nearby receptionist added his birthday wishes as did the people behind her. Rosie sheepishly thanked them. She… Continue reading
By Control often has benefits. It can create a sense of structure, predictability, mastery, and safety.
As we know, none of us are in control of everything. We have all experienced unwanted internal and external experiences. If we knew how to control everything, we would probably start there. Although we may not have a choice about all of the events that… Continue reading
By Picture this. You enjoyed dinner with a friend who you haven’t seen in ages. You two shared a meal and a laugh after months of not being able to coordinate schedules. Despite having a nice time catching up, negative thoughts begin to creep in on your drive home. Before you know it, you start to doubt your performance at dinner and question whether your… Continue reading
By One of the most insidious and painful aspects of social anxiety many of my clients describe is the feeling of being alone, disconnected, and different from others. These feelings, and the perceptions and beliefs associated with them, can both contribute to and be the result of high levels of distress and suffering in social situations. Over the years,… Continue reading
By While the idea of introducing yourself to someone new is a very common challenge for those who struggle with social anxiety, for many the greater and often overlooked pain comes from difficulty deepening relationships to a more meaningful level. Many clients I have had the honor of working with have reported making some progress with initiating contact… Continue reading
By Comparing and judging ourselves negatively
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?
They’re better conversationalists than I am.
I’m not as interesting and knowledgeable as they are.
They’re better looking. I’m not in their league.
They’re much more successful and impressive than I am.
They come across as so confident, and I come across… Continue reading
By Learning to hide
One of the most common social anxiety concerns is the fear that one will appear anxious to others: being anxious about your social anxiety itself! Of course, it’s not just that some sign of one’s anxiety will be visible, but that it will be followed by some form of negative evaluation or judgment that can greatly exacerbate the… Continue reading
By I still remember a seemingly trivial moment while volunteering and travelling in New Zealand during my college years. After a hike through the rolling green hills with some travel friends, we stopped in a local shop with some custom design T-shirts. As I was about to leave without being inspired to purchase anything, I got stuck staring at a silly… Continue reading
By Many outcome studies have shown cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, to be the most effective approach to overcoming social anxiety. While core interventions of CBT such as cognitive restructuring and behavioral experiments (learn more about these strategies here) can help people to make great improvements to their social anxiety symptoms, one trait… Continue reading
By Me, my thoughts, and my emotions
Most individuals experience successes and failures during social interactions. Although it is helpful to be mindful of internal experiences and one’s own behaviors, too much focus on these things often exacerbates cognitive and behavioral symptoms of social anxiety.
A negative filter
When compared to individuals who… Continue reading
By The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, Fifth Edition defines social anxiety disorder as:
A persistent fear of one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way (or show anxiety symptoms) that… Continue reading
By The perils of beating ourselves up
“I can’t believe I said that! I’m such an idiot!”
“I made the conversation so awkward and boring!”
“I came across as so anxious and weird! How can I ever face these people again?!”
“I made such a terrible impression! I’m humiliated!”
These are just a few examples of the kinds of harshly self-critical thoughts with… Continue reading
By When you have social anxiety, being criticized can feel like being under attack in a war zone! It is your worst fear coming true. This is what you dread – facing the criticism nukes. Individuals with social anxiety would like to avoid all situations where there is even a small likelihood of being criticized. However, unless one chooses complete… Continue reading