By Comparing and judging ourselves negatively
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?
They’re better conversationalists than I am.
I’m not as interesting and knowledgeable as they are.
They’re better looking. I’m not in their league.
They’re much more successful and impressive than I am.
They come across as so confident, and I come across… Continue reading
By Romance, a minefield of social anxiety triggers
Many aspects of pursuing romantic relationships are major social anxiety triggers for many people. How do you relate to these scenarios?
Initiating conversation with someone you find attractive.
Sending a first message online to someone you find attractive.
Conversing in person with someone you find… Continue reading
By The perils of beating ourselves up
“I can’t believe I said that! I’m such an idiot!”
“I made the conversation so awkward and boring!”
“I came across as so anxious and weird! How can I ever face these people again?!”
“I made such a terrible impression! I’m humiliated!”
These are just a few examples of the kinds of harshly self-critical thoughts with… Continue reading
By “I’m bad at meeting people.”
“I’m socially inept.”
“People dislike chatting with me.”
“I’m a boring conversationalist.”
“Others can see that I’m anxious which they’ll think is weird, or will make them uncomfortable.”
“I’m an introvert. I shouldn’t be expected to mingle. Chit chat is for extroverts!”
“I hate small talk!”
These are common hot thoughts… Continue reading
By “Performance” anxiety, indeed! That’s precisely the problem: thinking of sex as a performance, as something we are doing that is being scrutinized and evaluated by an audience. This performance mindset leads many men to be self-conscious, self-critical, worried, tense and anxious while being sexual. This in turns often results in bringing about… Continue reading
By Understanding Social Anxiety and CBT
One pattern of thinking that is central to the maintenance of social anxiety involves a consistent overestimation of the likelihood of a negative social event occurring. Common examples include the estimation of likely being rejected, judged negatively, or being the focus of negative attention. This overestimation… Continue reading
By Work and Stress
Work is stressful. We all have had jobs that, as a matter of course, caused our anxiety levels to spike and brought a general sense of being overwhelmed. But in the workplace, there are several things that can be ameliorating factors: one of which is our peers, co-workers, and managers. The literature seems to suggest that the… Continue reading
By “What do I do with these upsetting thoughts that make me socially anxious?”
In a pair of previous blog posts, I explain the role of two strategies used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for dealing with upsetting thoughts that help cause our social anxiety: mindfulness and cognitive restructuring. Now I get into the nuts and bolts of… Continue reading
By Bringing Your Social Anxiety With You For The Holidays
We have waited all year and they are finally here: The Winter Holidays. Holidays can be a time of excitement, fun, and celebration. They often brings us together with loved ones near and far, giving us the opportunity to reconnect and strengthen our relationships. The holidays are also a time to… Continue reading
By Social Anxiety and The Desire To Avoid
For those of you who suffer from social anxiety, you have most likely experienced the urge to avoid being around others. Whether its attending a party, going to lunch with colleagues, or giving a presentation, if you are socially anxious, almost any social situation can create the urge to run. But does avoidance… Continue reading