By Picture this. You enjoyed dinner with a friend who you haven’t seen in ages. You two shared a meal and a laugh after months of not being able to coordinate schedules. Despite having a nice time catching up, negative thoughts begin to creep in on your drive home. Before you know it, you start to doubt your performance at dinner and question whether your… Continue reading
By One of the most insidious and painful aspects of social anxiety many of my clients describe is the feeling of being alone, disconnected, and different from others. These feelings, and the perceptions and beliefs associated with them, can both contribute to and be the result of high levels of distress and suffering in social situations. Over the years,… Continue reading
By If you have social anxiety, avoidant coping modes may help you avoid activation of your schemas and your inner critic. Schemas are broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and others, developed during childhood and reinforced throughout one’s lifetime. They tend to be unhelpful to a significant degree. In social anxiety, schemas may consist of… Continue reading
By When we experience high levels of anxiety in social situations, or have urges to avoid or escape, it is typically because we are worrying that other people will criticize or judge us. A feeling of intimidation and vulnerability may persist due to thoughts such as “What if they notice that I’m nervous ?, What if they think I’m weird?, What if they ask… Continue reading
By Romance, a minefield of social anxiety triggers
Many aspects of pursuing romantic relationships are major social anxiety triggers for many people. How do you relate to these scenarios?
Initiating conversation with someone you find attractive.
Sending a first message online to someone you find attractive.
Conversing in person with someone you find… Continue reading
By Learning to hide
One of the most common social anxiety concerns is the fear that one will appear anxious to others: being anxious about your social anxiety itself! Of course, it’s not just that some sign of one’s anxiety will be visible, but that it will be followed by some form of negative evaluation or judgment that can greatly exacerbate the… Continue reading
By The following is a narrative of a fictitious character, Ms. Anonymous (Ms. A), and her treatment for social anxiety. This case illustrates how evidence-based methods can be applied in therapy to help alleviate symptoms and recover from social anxiety. Again, Ms. A is a fictitious character, and any resemblance to a real person is purely coincidental…. Continue reading
By Many outcome studies have shown cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, to be the most effective approach to overcoming social anxiety. While core interventions of CBT such as cognitive restructuring and behavioral experiments (learn more about these strategies here) can help people to make great improvements to their social anxiety symptoms, one trait… Continue reading
By As of 2019, 33 states and the District of Columbia have passed laws legalizing marijuana in some form. 11 of those have laws legalizing marijuana for recreational use, in addition to the country of Canada.
A Turn of the Tide for Cannabis in the USA
Social norms and the stigma of cannabis use are beginning to shift nationwide, particularly in places… Continue reading
By Me, my thoughts, and my emotions
Most individuals experience successes and failures during social interactions. Although it is helpful to be mindful of internal experiences and one’s own behaviors, too much focus on these things often exacerbates cognitive and behavioral symptoms of social anxiety.
A negative filter
When compared to individuals who… Continue reading
By The perils of beating ourselves up
“I can’t believe I said that! I’m such an idiot!”
“I made the conversation so awkward and boring!”
“I came across as so anxious and weird! How can I ever face these people again?!”
“I made such a terrible impression! I’m humiliated!”
These are just a few examples of the kinds of harshly self-critical thoughts with… Continue reading
By To see one in all and all in one is to break
through the great barrier which narrows one’s
perception of reality.
-Thich Naht Hanh.
The illusion of the self and learned beliefs
If you have ever experienced social anxiety intensifying to the point of significant distress or interfering with your goals in life, you are all too familiar with the… Continue reading
By One of the most challenging aspects of social anxiety are the thoughts that come with the experience. People struggling with social anxiety experience a barrage of negative self-judgments and the fear that others view them in that same negative light. Over time, these self-judgments lead to avoidant behaviors such as disengagement in social… Continue reading
By “Performance” anxiety, indeed! That’s precisely the problem: thinking of sex as a performance, as something we are doing that is being scrutinized and evaluated by an audience. This performance mindset leads many men to be self-conscious, self-critical, worried, tense and anxious while being sexual. This in turns often results in bringing about… Continue reading
By “What do I do with these upsetting thoughts that make me socially anxious?”
In a pair of previous blog posts, I explain the role of two strategies used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for dealing with upsetting thoughts that help cause our social anxiety: mindfulness and cognitive restructuring. Now I get into the nuts and bolts of… Continue reading