Picture this. You enjoyed dinner with a friend who you haven’t seen in ages. You two shared a meal and a laugh after months of not being able to coordinate schedules. Despite having a nice time catching up, negative thoughts begin to creep in on your drive home. Before you know it, you start to… [Continue reading]
One of the most insidious and painful aspects of social anxiety many of my clients describe is the feeling of being alone, disconnected, and different from others. These feelings, and the perceptions and beliefs associated with them, can both contribute to and be the result of high levels of distress and suffering in social situations…. [Continue reading]
If you have social anxiety, avoidant coping modes may help you avoid activation of your schemas and your inner critic. Schemas are broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and others, developed during childhood and reinforced throughout one’s lifetime. They tend to be unhelpful to a significant degree. In social anxiety, schemas may consist of core beliefs… [Continue reading]
When we experience high levels of anxiety in social situations, or have urges to avoid or escape, it is typically because we are worrying that other people will criticize or judge us. A feeling of intimidation and vulnerability may persist due to thoughts such as “What if they notice that I’m nervous ?, What if… [Continue reading]
Romance, a minefield of social anxiety triggers Many aspects of pursuing romantic relationships are major social anxiety triggers for many people. How do you relate to these scenarios? Initiating conversation with someone you find attractive. Sending a first message online to someone you find attractive. Conversing in person with someone you find attractive. Having a… [Continue reading]
Learning to hide One of the most common social anxiety concerns is the fear that one will appear anxious to others: being anxious about your social anxiety itself! Of course, it’s not just that some sign of one’s anxiety will be visible, but that it will be followed by some form of negative evaluation or… [Continue reading]
The following is a narrative of a fictitious character, Ms. Anonymous (Ms. A), and her treatment for social anxiety. This case illustrates how evidence-based methods can be applied in therapy to help alleviate symptoms and recover from social anxiety. Again, Ms. A is a fictitious character, and any resemblance to a real person is purely… [Continue reading]
Many outcome studies have shown cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, to be the most effective approach to overcoming social anxiety. While core interventions of CBT such as cognitive restructuring and behavioral experiments (learn more about these strategies here) can help people to make great improvements to their social anxiety symptoms, one trait that can have… [Continue reading]
As of 2019, 33 states and the District of Columbia have passed laws legalizing marijuana in some form. 11 of those have laws legalizing marijuana for recreational use, in addition to the country of Canada. A Turn of the Tide for Cannabis in the USA Social norms and the stigma of cannabis use are beginning… [Continue reading]
Me, my thoughts, and my emotions Most individuals experience successes and failures during social interactions. Although it is helpful to be mindful of internal experiences and one’s own behaviors, too much focus on these things often exacerbates cognitive and behavioral symptoms of social anxiety. A negative filter When compared to individuals who are not socially… [Continue reading]
The perils of beating ourselves up “I can’t believe I said that! I’m such an idiot!” “I made the conversation so awkward and boring!” “I came across as so anxious and weird! How can I ever face these people again?!” “I made such a terrible impression! I’m humiliated!” These are just a few examples of… [Continue reading]
To see one in all and all in one is to break through the great barrier which narrows one’s perception of reality. -Thich Naht Hanh. The illusion of the self and learned beliefs If you have ever experienced social anxiety intensifying to the point of significant distress or interfering with your goals in life, you… [Continue reading]
“Performance” anxiety, indeed! That’s precisely the problem: thinking of sex as a performance, as something we are doing that is being scrutinized and evaluated by an audience. This performance mindset leads many men to be self-conscious, self-critical, worried, tense and anxious while being sexual. This in turns often results in bringing about the very problem… [Continue reading]
“What do I do with these upsetting thoughts that make me socially anxious?” In a pair of previous blog posts, I explain the role of two strategies used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for dealing with upsetting thoughts that help cause our social anxiety: mindfulness and cognitive restructuring. Now I get into the nuts and bolts… [Continue reading]
Thoughts and Feelings in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Social Anxiety Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has repeatedly been shown to be the most effective treatment for social anxiety disorder for the large majority of people. A central principle in CBT is that what we feel—such as social anxiety—is created not directly by a situation we experience, but… [Continue reading]